


Sticks and Stones is Bullshit

by baconluver69



Category: Rooster Teeth/Achievement Hunter/Funhaus RPF
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Cutting, Depression, Hurt/Comfort, Multi, Self-Harm, trigger warning, words hurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-13
Updated: 2018-05-13
Packaged: 2019-05-06 09:47:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,522
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14639289
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/baconluver69/pseuds/baconluver69
Summary: Gavin hates being the one who always has to take the insults. He's tired of it. He just wants to be able to go to work without being mocked and teased, but unfortunately all he can do is endure.





	Sticks and Stones is Bullshit

**Author's Note:**

> This might be my 3rd rated mature thing I've ever written and yet I am pleased as punch with it! Thanks once again to resurrected-puddle for the rp!

It was...a common thing, or ritual, or whatever the fuck it was for Gavin to be the brunt of the constant insults that pretty much everyone seemed to throw his way in the office. Sometimes he did deserve the mean words, but other times...he wasn't even in the room, let alone at work even and yet he was always the one who took the cruelty. It just always felt like they truly hated him. Hate was a strong word, but for Gavin it was the truth. And the same could be said for all the guys in the main office (sans Lindsay of course cause she was always the nicest to him and Jack has been fairly nice to him too). And the subject of why they threw mean things at him seemed to change periodically from the way he talked, the way he acted, the way he dressed, they constantly made fun of the nose of his, etc. The list just went on and on. And Michael, his best friend, was perhaps the worst offender. He didn't know what happened between he and Michael, but for some reason, Michael always seemed to love being just a dick to him.   
  
Gavin was basically the omega of the group. He was the one everyone turned to to pick on. It wasn't intentional, it just happened. There was always that one member of the group that would get teased and prodded for just being there. That person was Gavin. Michael was known for being a bit frisky, but truth be told it was just a persona he put on to please the masses. He barely meant any of the cruel words he spat at his best friend and would often take it a bit too far. He was by far the worst when it came to bashing his poor friend... Another day of recording meant another day of torturing poor Gavin, which the rest of the crew obviously didn't know was torture.   
  
'Idiot!' 'Fucking idiot' 'Dumbass' 'Dipshit', the list went on and on for poor Gavin and he still didn't know what he had done to upset his so called "friends." All they were doing was recording a "friendly" game of GTA and yet...he was still just a punching bag for them. And then when he accidentally, really it was an accident, fucked up the heist mission they were trying to finish, the insults came like a swarm of wild angry geese. "I-I'm sorry" he said in an almost soft voice that he hoped wasn't getting picked up in the mic, but it was and instead of the guys forgiving him, they were just relentless. Even Jack, one of the nicest people to him, was adding his own two cents as to just how dumb he was.   
  
Lindsay remained quiet and watched on in wonder as the insults continuously fired on at the poor British lad, watching his skinny form shrink in on his office chair. She never could understand why the office was as mean to him as they were. He was just trying his best... As for Michael, he was already throwing off his headphones in deep rage, standing up from his chair to stomp over to the whining lad and promptly yanked him up from his shirt collar. "You fucking idiot! You stupid, fucking idiot! You can't do one thing right, you absolute sack of shit!"   
  
God, Gavin wished he could just sink into the ground right then and there and the fiery look in those usually friendly eyes was absolutely terrifying and Gavin actually whimpered and tried to cower in fear. Fear of what he didn't know. Maybe it was the fact that he was facing the rage of Michael Jones himself and the fact that with the way Michael's free hand was balling up so hard he could see the muscles in his arm bulging and his face was every shade of red and absolute fury that made him downright terrified of his "friend." "I-I'm sorry! I'm sorry, I'm sorry" he whimpered and held up his hands to block the fist that he knew was coming, knowing none of the guys weren't coming to his rescue. He probably deserved this anyway, he supposed.   
  
Instead of showing concern, the office practically laughed at Gavin's pathetic whimpers and how he easily cowered at the raging fist threatening to pummel in his face. Michael let out a snort and shoved Gavin back into his chair, leaving him to return to his own sit huffing and puffing.   
  
Gavin let himself be thrown into the chair and just practically curled into it as he felt his cheeks burn hot from the embarrassment and the humiliation as the guys continued to make fun of him and only him. Never before has he been so just downright humiliated like that and he mentally cursed himself for being so weak like that. And though Gavin wasn't normally a crier, he could feel the burning in his eyes as he tried to blink away the oncoming tears and was oh so glad they didn't have facecam for this video cause otherwise the camera would no doubt see his shameful appearance. And though he did want to just storm out of the room, they had another video to film after this. So, he just sucked it up like a big boy and just kept his eyes on the screen and kept his mouth shut for fear that even talking will just set the room off again, avoiding the way Lindsay was looking at him with absolute remorse in her gentle eyes from across the way.   
  
Over the past few weeks, Lindsay has noticed some... changes in Gavin's behavior. He's become more submissive and accepting of the insults thrown at him and would sulk each day in the office. He also started to wear long sleeved shirts, but maybe he just wanted to cover his body to make himself more comfortable? Nevertheless, it was eating away at her and she could barely stand to watch Gavin like this. Michael, however, was a bit more oblivious. "Fucking move! Get out of my way, bitch!" The freckled man snarled out as he banged his fists against the desks. "I'm going to wring your scrawny fucking neck!"   
  
Gavin winced at the harsh stinging words and swallowed the lump in his throat that had been forming when the guys made fun of him in a previous video today. Again, Gavin did not understand where this hostility from Michael, his "friend" came from or what had made it become a thing of his, but...he honestly hated it. Gavin was never ill to Michael and always tried to be as nice as possible to him as much as he could, but his niceness was always either met with a harsh 'fuck off' or a 'go back to england, you prick.' The poor British lad didn't understand where the cruelty came from, but he honestly wished he wasn't the brunt of the jokes and swiped his cheek as he felt a single tear escape his already watery eyes. It was never ending with these guys.   
  
Lindsay herself was having quite enough of all this, and the breaking point was that stray tear leaving the man's eyes. Avoiding the others' gazes, she quickly walked over to rub at Gavin's shoulder to get his attention. "Hey, c'mere.." She murmured out and slowly helped the man up from his chair, leading him away from the office room and out into the barren hallway. The other office members were too busy fucking around on GTA to even care or notice.   
  
Gavin happily let her pull him away from the angerfest that was the office, letting his other hand wipe away the tears that he finally let fall. "S-Sorry" he mumbled as he tried to keep them at bay, but with how high strung his emotions had been in the past few weeks, they just kept coming down in endless streams.   
  
"Hey, you didn't do anything wrong.." She dropped her voice down to a gentle whisper, reaching up to brush the stray tears away. "They're treating you so unfairly, Gav. You don't deserve any of the insults they're giving you." She grabbed a box of tissues that was resting on a small table in the hallway, handing it over to the man with a kind smile.   
  
Gavin mumbled a thank you and dried his tears the best that he could. Of course, it had to be Lindsay that was treating him so kindly. She was always kind. Despite her sometimes brash jokes, she was the nicest person to him in the office. And Gavin always felt a bit bad whenever he snarked off at her, but now he would forever be in great debt to her. "I-I don't know what their deal is with me. I-I didn't really do or say anything to them and I-I'm trying to be nice to your husband . B-But h-he's..." he trailed off as more tears fell at the memory of Michael nearly socking him in pure anger.   
  
Lindsay could feel her heart shattering at the broken tone of voice Gavin had, looking up at him with wide eyes. "Oh, Gav.." She gently held onto his hand and led him over to a more private location, a spare empty office, and sat him down onto a chair. Her eyes were filled with sympathy for the man as she gently rubbed at his shoulder. "You know they don't actually mean any of it, right?"   
  
Gavin knew that she wasn't trying to make fun of him, but his brain took it a different way. 'What she means is that you need to stop being a sensitive little bitch and suck it up!' his self-deprecating side taunted him cruely and Gavin winced and felt more tears fall down his face, foregoing the tissues now that they were in a private place. "Doesn't stop it from hurting. It's hard to tell if they don't mean it sometimes and even off camera it's still a never ending cycle of insults for old Gavin Free" he bit out angrily. He oh so wished he was brave enough to lash out at his coworkers for outright disrespecting him throughout the work day, but he knew the harsh words wouldn't stop them and they would still make fun of him. Michael definitely included. Just thinking about the amount of hurtful things they've said to him just made his hidden cuts sting and he winced again as the fresh ones started stinging as well.   
  
Lindsay watched as Gavin flinched out due to an unknown force, scooting up closer on her own wheely chair and wiped away more stray tears. "I think they're just use to picking on you... There's always someone in a group that gets all the shit, even if they don't deserve it. You're not what they say you are, Gav. They sincerely don't mean it." She kept her voice low and intentions well-mannered, watching as Gavin would rub at his arms in a pained manner.   
  
Gavin let out a gruff laugh at that and felt his eyes burn with more hot tears. "T-Try saying that about Michael. H-He's never sincere about any bloody thing related to me. It's always him and sometimes I even wonder why I'm still friends with him to begin with" he spat out though his voice was wavering as he tried to speak around the lump.   
  
It was true that her husband could be a bit... harsh. But chances are, he barely meant any of it. "Gavin, he's overreacting for the camera. It's just his thing to be all angry at the slightest thing. You know he really cares about you, right?" Lindsay couldn't help but think back to all the moments where Michael would help Gavin out with personal things at home or even defend him when it wasn't him insulting the other.   
  
Yet, Gavin wasn't hearing any of it and snorted at the mention of Michael "caring" about him. "Thanks for the little pep talk, Lindsay. But I bloody doubt that's ever gonna change my opinion of your husband" he huffed out and wiped his tears and abruptly got up from his chair and began walking out the door, "I'm going home. Don't want to deal with this shit anymore." He just wanted to go home to the safety of his lonely home (lonely as in well, he was single now to say the least) and not deal with anyone for that matter. Fuck the Rt Podcast, he was going home.   
  
She could only watch on with saddened eyes as her coworker left the building with a stomp in his steps, letting out a deep sigh of remorse. Was it really that bad? How did she not see it before? Sitting up from the chair, a frown was plastered over her face as she made her way over to the room where the others were recording. Or, at least they were done now. She walked into the room with a loud huff leaving her and eyed the men harshly. "You guys really need to tone that shit down on Gavin.."   
  
Quickly looking up from his computer, Michael raised a brow at his wife before speaking. "What do you mean? Is he bitching about losing again?" The man scoffed out, getting a soft chuckle out of Ryan from across. This only fueled the angry inside of Lindsay as she crossed her arms, giving a pointed glare towards the rest. "You guys are really hurting him with the constant insults.. Yeah some teasing is fine, but can you refrain from calling him a piece of shit every day he's here?" And without waiting for a retort, she promptly turned on her heels and slammed the door behind her.   
  
The sudden slamming of doors had most of the crew jumping in their place, not expecting the sudden outburst. Michael watched the door for awhile until it was obvious she wasn't coming back and slowly turned around to look at his computer screen with knitted brows. Hurting him...? Sure, he would always yell at the lad and call him names, but it was all fun and games! Right? Did Gavin take them to heart? Michael scratched at his head anxiously as he thought over the fear Gavin had in his eyes when he had yanked him up by his shirt, the reality of the situation only sinking in further.

\------------------------------------------

Gavin sighed, his heart lifting up a bit as he was finally home. He may have snapped at the lyft driver that was trying to start up a conversation with him, but Gavin was just emotionally exhausted and all he could think about on the way here was the safety and the comfort he felt in his own home. He trudged up the walkway and climbed the small steps and quickly unlocked the door and pushed it open, letting out a sigh that rung around the living room.

"Bloody finally" he muttered as he closed the door behind him and tossed his keys and phone onto the coffee table uncaring if he threw his phone a bit too harshly.

Gavin took his shoes off and left them in the entryway and climbed up the stairs and immediately bee lined it to his bedroom and nearly yanked his underwear drawer out of the dresser and searched for the thing he was looking for that had always been his source of comfort until he finally found it and pulled it out. It was his trusty little razor blade. He had forgotten where he had got it from and what its actual purpose was for, but...it has dutifully served its wonderful purpose of giving him some kind of relief and as he walked into the shared bathroom, now was the perfect time to put it to good use. He took his usual spot in front of the bathroom mirror and placed the razor down for a bit to strip off his shirt, hissing as the healing cuts rubbed against the fabric of his sweater. Gavin stared at his reflection in the mirror and frowned at what he saw. It was indeed him alright, if not for the numerous scars and slashes that marred his once tanned skin. And true to what the guys had ridiculed about...he was truly an ugly creature. A nose too big for his ugly face, wild hair that was getting a bit too long, a bushy gross beard that continued to grow, and speaking of hair, he still had that disgusting amount of body hair that lined his chest and trailed down his stomach. How could anyone, let alone Meg who had left him, love such an ugly disgusting creature such as himself he'll never know especially one that was as broken as he was. Gavin picked up the sharp blade and held up his left arm, looking at all the criss-crossed slashes he made into just his left arm alone and once he found a sorta free space, he applied the sharp blade to his skin and pressing down on it a bit harder, he hissed in mild pain as he dragged a straight line across his forearm, watching blood immediately bubble up and glide down into multiple streams and drip off his arm and into the sink, sighing as he let the stinging sensation sweep through him. The pain of doing this didn't even seem to hurt anymore, only hissing at the initial prick. It was definitely an unfortunate hobby he's picked up. Really he could think of a lot of things that could take his mind off doing something like this. He has numerous games to finish and start, had some slo-mo guys videos to edit, hell jerking off would've been a much better mental cleaner. Yet...he chose this. And upon slicing another scar into him, he remembered why it felt a bit good to be doing this: there was no human alive that could hate him more than he hated himself. That was the reason why he didn't really stand up for himself when the guys constantly shit on him. Gavin felt like he deserved both the harsh words and the numerous scars he created himself.

"I'm just a horrible ugly beast" he gruffed out as he drew another line into his skin. He took in a deep breath and sighed as he was finally done with his dirty work and turned the faucet on and washed off the blood on his arms and grimacing at the stings.

Once Gavin finally finished cleaning and medicating his arms, he walked out the bathroom and headed back downstairs for some much needed food. He was passing by the living room when his eyes caught the text that was displaying on his phone. Against his better judgement, he walked over to it and picked it up and unlocked it and tapped into his messages and frowned as he got a text from his "friend", Michael. "Hey. Sorry bout earlier. Hope you can forgive me" was all the simple text from the office screamer said. Gavin just loudly hmmfed and tossed his phone back on the coffee table and made his way to the kitchen. He didn't want to deal with Michael or anyone for that matter and could care less if they sounded apologetic. Besides, why would they feel the need to apologize to a worthless punching bag such as him?   
  
\--------------------------------------------

Truth be told, Michael did notice whenever he would yell particularly harshly or hurt Gavin a little too much than usual, whether it be physical or verbal. They never had much meaning to them... But if what Lindsay said was true, then he really had to do something about it. Instead of the usual recordings, it was decided that instead the team would just do a simply livestream for the fans at home. Pretty lazy in hindsight, but it worked well. Michael himself was already seated at his desk where they would record, many of the crew members getting things tidied up in the messy room. They were all waiting on Gavin.   
  
Gavin sighed and squared his shoulders as best as he could as he walked into the building that Wednesday morning. Though he did let himself stay home all day Tuesday, he knew he couldn't stay away from the office for long unless he had a business trip he needed to attend to. He was still extremely pissed at the humiliation he endured on Monday and he had every right to be and he even contemplated not coming in today as he stood in front of the door to the main office. But, he decided to indeed suck it up and typed the code into the lock pad and let himself into the office, ignoring the stares that came his way even the pitiful one from Lindsay as he dutifully sat at his desk and shook his mouse, awakening his computer from its slumber.   
  
Putting on a friendly grin, Michael scooted his way over to where Gavin sat and spun around on his wheely chair to face the younger lad. "Sup, boi. Ready for a kickass livestream?" He chided in, deciding to stick with friendly conversation.   
  
Gavin just ignored him, keeping his eyes glued to his computer monitor as he scoured through the internet to entertain himself. Michael always did this. After every video or instance of him yelling his head off at Gavin, Michael would completely pull a 180 and be nice all of a sudden. But, Gavin was not having any of it. Mostly cause he knew Michael was trying to cover up the hell he unleashed onto him like it was nothing and because Gavin was just emotionally and physically tired of having to try and deal with all of his coworkers shitting down his throat. He wasn't having any of it. Not Michael, not his so called friends, not any of it. He just wanted to record whatever these videos they had to get filmed and then go back to the safety of his home.   
  
Michael waited in silence for a response and his shoulders sagged down a bit when he received none, scooting up a tad closer and bump their chairs together. "Hey, uh... sorry about what happened Monday. I guess I kinda went a bit overboard. I'll tone it down for today's stream, okay?" Michael spoke out, this time in a soft tone. He even let his hand gently pat at Gavin's knee.   
  
Gavin didn't even acknowledge his so called friend and even visibly flinched away from the contact, half afraid that the punch that was going to come his way the other day was going to hit him square in his face today. He didn't even wanna acknowledge the man next to him as his friend, especially with all the hurtful things he has said and done to him over the years Gavin has known the bloke. He was much to hurt and it was going to take a hell of a lot more to mend his heart that was still lying in a cold, shattered state.   
  
Michael physically whined out once his friend inched away from his contact, looking at him with wide eyes full of hurt and concern for his poor boi. "Gav..?" That was all he could manage out before Geoff came storming in, ordering everyone to get ready for the stream. Flashing him one last look of concern, Michael gave Gavin a quick pat on the back and sat up to walk over to the streaming area.   
  
As much as he didn't want to, Gavin begrudgingly got up and walked out behind Michael as well as the other guys as they headed into the streaming room/Gus' office. It was a new setup, but would make for a much better streaming experience. Gavin took his place at a random computer that was already booted up and already had the game they were going to play today that was able to have up to 8 players in the game, Lindsay taking her seat on the couch and offered to man the chat while the guys place. Unfortunately though, Michael took the computer right next to his and Gavin frowned at that but kept his eyes on his monitor and placed his headphones over his ears. Oh joy.   
  
Michael's eyes glanced over at his friend, quickly looking back at his screen once the other didn't make an attempt at a conversation. He made a silent promise to tone down the insults in the stream. Meanwhile, Lindsay was sitting on the plush couch watching the silence go by between the two and honestly had no idea who to feel bad for more. But she wasn't given much time before the stream had began, the office giving their own loud greetings.   
  
Gavin played along with the guys in Destiny 2 as silently as he could, only chiming in whenever someone either in chat or the guys asked him a question or wanted him to do something in game. Unfortunately, Trevor and Alfredo had to leave to go do On the Spot, leaving the rest of the main 6+Lindsay to play away. And Michael just wouldn't leave him alone. Sure he was being nice for once, but he was bugging him in game to help him do whatever or just ride with him in game or was trying to get Gavin to talk. But, Gavin was not letting himself break away from his anger and was as quiet as can be, which disturbed the other guys because they've never heard him being so quiet except for when he wasn't legitimately in the office.   
  
The tense atmosphere between the two was very much present in the office, having Ryan glance over at them from time to time. Even when Gavin managed to take down an enemy or do the simplest of tasks, Gavin would get a "nice job, boi" from Michael. He hated seeing Gavin like this... He let their knees slowly brush up against each other and glanced over at the other, smiling shyly at him once their eyes met.   
  
"Focus on the game" Gavin bit out, trying to keep his voice and facial features normal cause this time there was facecam and one wrong facial feature or off sounding voice meant the entire RT subreddit trying to piece together what was wrong. And at this moment, he definitely did not want the audience hounding on his ass on twitter about what his deal was and why his voice sounded off at the 23:35 time mark.   
  
Michael could only give him a pointed frown before turning back to his monitor, his focus now tuning in on the game in front of him. Suddenly, Gavin had the unfortunate luck of shooting Geoff instead of that giant-ass worm they were put up against. Needless to say, the result was no surprise. "For fucks sake, Gav!" Geoff bellowed out, slamming against his keyboard as Ryan chuckled along. "Can you aim better than a fucking two-year old for once?" This new-found attitude was not settling well with Michael... Once Geoff was back in the game, Michael promptly aimed up and shot him once more. "Don't insult my boi!" He snarled out.   
  
Gavin winced a bit as the older man flung more insults at him. Oh yeah, he forgot Geoff was here and he seemed to forget that behind Michael, Geoff was just as mean with the harsh words. It seemed that the friendship that Gavin has built up with the other man has decided to just ebb away bit by bit as Geoff got older with age. "S-Sorry. Didn't mean to get in your way. I'll do better next time" he murmured as he did his best to stay far away from pretty much everyone in game.   
  
Michael pressed his lips together firmly as Gavin spoke out in the same weak manner. God, it hurt so much to hear him like that. Seeing his character staying put in the game, Michael took it upon himself to walk over and moving his character quickly up to the other, making a smooch noise as if they kissed in the game. They always did stupid shit like this, even if it was usually Gavin who initiated it.   
  
Gavin just ignored his friend's attempt to butter him and walked around his character and went back to shooting and killing the thing they were supposed to eliminate to advance on. "Lindsay, any questions from the chat?" he asked to the only person he legitimately felt calmer around. He didn't know why he usually gravitated towards her, but as of right now, she was practically his life support. Jeremy looked up from his own monitor as well and both he and Jack shared a look of concern with each other since they were sitting next to each other. Jeremy, as much as he liked to say he (jokingly) hated Gavin, this new cold shoulder attitude was a rare sight to see and even he felt a little bad about the mean things he's said to him especially when Lindsay brought it up and that made him feel guiltier cause she was usually the sweetest one and to hear that angry tone being unleashed onto him and the other guys meant that she was serious about their ill treatment of the one guy who was supposed to be their friend. "Gav, you okay, bud?" he asked and looked over at Gavin who shared a look of disdain towards him and just went back to his game. W-Were they really that mean to him, Jack wondered who was perhaps the second nicest person to Gavin, yet even he felt as if it were his fault the usually talkative British man was like this.   
  
Indeed, seeing Gavin in such a state of silence was truly unnerving. Especially when it was also directed towards Michael. That's when something was really wrong. Lindsay looked up when her name was called and gave Gavin a soft smile, looking through the chat that was currently blowing up after picking up on the obvious elephant in the room. "Uh, Sophie105 says, 'Does the crew actually hate Gavin? He's always the center of insults.'" Once the question was read out loud, Michael visibly tensed up. Even the fans saw how they treated him...   
  
Gavin frowned a bit at the question and before anyone could even try to save themselves, Gavin spoke up in the most saddest voice anyone in the crew has ever heard from him: "oh, they absolutely do hate my guts. They tell me they hate me every single day of the week, but don’t worry about it too much. I know I’m a worthless piece of shit, so they have every right to hate me.” And even after saying that, Gavin could already fell his throat tightening up and felt his scars flare up at the confession.   
  
Dead silent. That's how the room remained as Gavin spoke up to answer the question. Ryan and Geoff actually turned to look at him with wide eyes. That wasn't true. Michael bit down onto his lip as he felt his own tears beginning to form, slowly turning to look at Gavin. "You know that's not true, boi.." He murmured out in a hoarse tone, bumping their knees together once more. Many of the crew members chided in, agreeing with Michael.   
  
But, Gavin just flinched away from the touch and huffed out a forced laugh. "Don't give me that. Everyone in this room practically says they do, hell even on the podcast or even off camera I still can't catch a break from you guys. Sometimes makes me wish I didn't work for Achievement Hunter anymore if all I ever get is the nonstop insults. None of you give a toss about me. I’m just a big punching bag for you guys to just mock me however you please" he spat out and glared at his screen, feeling his eyes burning with tears he tried to hold back again. That's all he ever did afterwards was just cry. Here he was a grown ass man crying like a little kid after being mocked one too many times and just his own berating was starting to make his throat clench up and made it hard to swallow.   
  
Michael could feel his heart shattering in two at that, mouth gaping open when Gavin revealed his true feelings. It hurt to listen to... it hurt so damn much. But how much was Gavin hurting if this is how he really felt? By now the chat was going a mile a second, many either defending Gavin or insulting him for being sensitive. But Michael? He was in a state of shock. The rest of the crew members were quick to speak out, talking about how much he was valued and how grateful they were to have him here. But Michael just stared on at the other, his own tears threatening to fall.   
  
Jeremy and Jack were just...speechless and they couldn't do or say anything except look down at their keyboard in silence. The short Boston man honestly felt like shit. He knew that behind Michael and Geoff, he was possibly the worst. The number of times he's told Gavin that he hated his guts and the amount of times he's threatened to punch him was now all beginning to hit him in the face and made him shrink even deeper into his chair as the waves of guilt began to swallow him up on the inside. Jack too felt like utter shit. Sure he has defended Gavin in the past on just how intelligent Gavin was and has even shared some laughs with him, but he also remembered the times where even he chimed in with his own scornful words and even on Monday when poor Gavin was getting chewed out for a simple mistake, an honest mistake he soon remembered after watching the playback, he didn't even have the balls to stand up for the poor British man and Jack took off his glasses and rubbed his eyes to hide his tears that were starting to form and even though he couldn't see that well without them, his blurry eyes could still see the look of utter sadness and resentment that was clear as day in Gavin's face.   
  
The atmosphere was so crushingly dense, it was mere silence for a few choice seconds. The crew members just had no idea what to do. Especially Michael, because he knew all too well that he was the worst offender. He glanced over at Gavin's quivering form paused his game to scoot closer to the man, his hand gently sliding over to grab the other's as softly as he could, noticing how he would flinch at the touch. Their fingers now intertwined, Michael looked Gavin in the eyes with a soft look of affection, letting their legs brush up against each other. "None of that is true, boi... You don't know how much you mean to us." He spoke in a soft tone as to not let the mic pick it up.   
  
Gavin just shut his eyes to hide and quickly snatched his hand away from the hold, hissing as the action opened some of the cuts and he pressed his hand to his arm to soothe the stinging cuts, hoping to whatever high deity there was that none of the crew saw him direct his attention to his arm. The last thing he wanted was for everyone, the camera included, to see the full extent of the pain in his broken heart.   
  
Michael saw the other wince away from his grasp and audibly whined out. All he wanted to do was hold the other in his arms and never let go. By now, the office members were forced to move on and change the subject, but they were still visibly tense after all that. Michael didn't even bother engaging in the conversation. His focus was all on Gavin. Turning off his mic, he scooted closer to the other once more and pleaded him through his eyes. "Boi, please look at me.." He murmured out, gently rubbing his hand at the other's knee.   
  
"Fuck off!" Gavin spat at him with such venom that all the guys didn't even know he was capable of producing, hissing again as his cuts stung even more and even felt a warm wetness beginning to glide down his arm. Why the hell did he chose to wear a light grey long sleeve shirt today he'll never know, yet he didn't expect all of this to happen.   
  
Flinching at the tone, his eyes suddenly wondered down to the dark red stain beginning to form on Gavin's sleeve. Michael's eyes began to widen as he reached forward, tugging up just a tad bit to see what he feared most. A multitude of cuts littered his best friend's wrist, some beginning to open up by the evident blood. Michael stood up from his chair on shaky legs and, without saying anything else, hightailed it out of the room slamming the door shut behind him.   
  
At this point, everyone could see what had happened and they all gasped wide eyed at the marks, the bloody ones too, that marred his arm. Everything in the office seemed to freeze, even the chat froze, as all eyes could see the damage Gavin has done to his arms. Gavin shut his eyes and let the uncontrollable tears flow, his cheeks burning with shame and humiliation at being caught. Jeremy's mouth moved as if he were trying to say something, but his hands just covered his mouth and he shut his eyes as he too felt the pinpricks. He never really knew just how far they could all take it, yet...Jeremy never imagined that those hurtful words could push Gavin to do this. Jack was already letting the tears fall and through his bleary eyes, was kind enough to immediately cut the stream abruptly.   
  
Geoff himself was gravitating toward the English lad as his fatherly instincts took over, slowly placing his hand onto Gavin's shoulder. "Hey, Gavvy.." He mumbled out, only becoming more choked up as the man turned away from him. Ryan was at loss for words himself as he watched on, glancing over at Jeremy and finally looked down at his lap. It was obvious enough that Gavin wanted nothing to do with them. Lindsay had seen enough and promptly sat up, walking over to Gavin with soft eyes. "Hey, let's go.." She murmured out, gently taking Gavin's hand.   
  
Gavin nodded and felt his breathing go in and out in rapid breaths as he finally let hid crying be heard, his sobs echoing around the room as he let Lindsay take him by the hand and lead him away to a much safer place. He never wanted all this to happen nor did he ever wanted his dirty secret to be put on full blast. And now all of his friends and the audience as well was fully aware of the pain that's been going on in his life.   
  
Lindsay had to lead Gavin back into their office once more and gladly took out a little first-aid kit that a fan had thankfully sent them as a joke, having to coax Gavin into lifting his sleeves up. The sight was truly disturbing to see. Cuts, old and new, littering Gavin's skinny arms as some had managed to open up and leak blood out on his arms. She could barely even stomach looking at the sight but cracked open the little aid box, having to rub medicine along the open wounds. "Gavin... We're not mad at you, you know that? We're worried. We want you safe."   
  
Gavin kept his eyes shut, not wanting to meet the judging look in her eyes. "I-I'm...I-I-I'm s-sorry. I-It just *hic* I-It just hurt a-and I-I didn't know what *hic* what else to do a-a-and I-just...I-I" poor Gavin stammered through his tears that were just waterfalling down his red cheeks to the point he couldn't even see if his eyes were open.   
  
Lindsay solemnly nodded her head as Gavin stuttered on, wrapping his wounds in tight bandages to assure they wouldn't bleed through. The sound of the door creaking open snapped her out of her thoughts as she quickly turned around to face the intruder. And there Michael stood with puffy red eyes, inching his way into the room as he stared over at his friend. "Gavvy?"   
  
Gavin felt his shoulders hunch up in on himself and he turned his head away from his friend. Gavin was already ashamed of himself for even letting the words get to him so much in the first place and now he just felt shameful for even committing this act on himself and he was more ashamed that he had to pick the most obvious spot. And now everyone new and they could all see his broken heart that was clear on his wounded arms. 'Way to go, idiot' his self-deprecating side mocked him and even laughed as Gavin's crying increased, 'what a baby you are.'   
  
Michael stayed frozen in his spot for a few seconds before instantly booking it to Gavin's side, his wide tearful eyes staring down at him. "Oh my God, are you okay? Gavin I'm so fucking sorry holy shit you mean so much to me--" Michael could barely contain himself as he fell to his knees with the tears freely running along his cheeks, scooting up to Gavin's lap as he stared up and quivered near him. "I-I love you s-so fffucking much, Gavvy, you're my best friend I never meant to hurt you--" His body was shaking full force as the man buried his face into Gavin's lap, gripping onto his sides as he refused to leave his side.   
  
Gavin gasped and opened his teary eyes and gazed down at the man kneeling before him and now had his face buried into Gavin's stomach and was pouring his own heart out. The British lad was...confused to say the least. Why...Why was the one person that had truly hurt him the most now crying for him? Gavin honestly didn't know if Michael has ever cried before considering his usually brash attitude. But, now here he was and did Gavin hear that right? Michael actually...loved...him? Gavin looked up at Lindsay but gasped as she let her own eyes shed as she too wrapped her arms around him and brought his head down a bit to rest in the crook of her neck, Gavin's brow furrowing in confusion as he felt her lips on his skin as she gave him the gentlest kisses to his watery cheek and forehead.   
  
Michael had gone from crying to full blown sobbing as he nestled his face deeply against Gavin's stomach and lap, reaching up to wrap his arms around his waist as he confessed his heart out to him. "I-I love you s-so much, you're t-the world to me! Y-You're my everything, Gavvy!" Michael rasped out, hugging him tightly. It wasn't long before two more heads were poking through the crack of the door: Geoff and Ryan. Their own eyes held visible sadness and remorse as the slowly began to walk in, quickly taking their place beside the skinny and cut lad and found their own spot and nestled up close to him. Ryan was releasing soft sniffles and pouring his heart out for Gavin, telling him how proud he was for making this far and that he meant everything to the crew. Meanwhile, Geoff had his strong tattooed arms wrapping up over his shoulders and pressed loving smooches to the top of Gavin's head.   
  
Jack soon too came in and he pursed his hidden lips at the utter confusion in Gavin's face as he was being hugged by 4/7 of the main crew, but his eyes could still see the hurt and pain in those once cheerful eyes of Gavin's that was now the dullest shade of green. "Gavin..." he breathed out with Jeremy right behind him as the big man tugged Gavin into his big arms, nuzzling his bearded cheek against the top of his head. "We're so sorry for hurting you so much, buddy. You know we didn't mean any of it right? We all care so much about you and we...I'm so sorry for letting this go on for so long" he murmured with every truthful bone in his body. Jack always viewed Gavin as a little brother and like a sibling relationship, it was killing him on the inside to see Gavin in such a vulnerable state. Jeremy couldn't really find a place for him to actually get in on the group hug, so instead he took both of the skinny man's hands into his and tenderly squeezed them and even let himself press kisses to his knuckles and the bandages that covered up the horrible marks.   
  
It almost felt like one big family with how the group was pampering Gavin with some much needed love, truly trying their best to make up for all the years of torment. They knew it would never be enough to save Gavin from it all, but they would try their best. Once Jeremy and Jack had their time with Gavin, the other three could barely even make one step before Michael had his arms wrapped around Gavin in a bear hug, sniffling and whimpering out in the crook of his neck. "B-Boi.. Boi, I'm so f-fucking sorry.. I love you so much." Michael rasped out and pressed tender kisses to Gavin's neck, his hold firm.   
  
Gavin breathed out a shaky breath, but nonetheless and for the first time in a while...he let a watery smile spread across his face. And though he still had some doubts and feelings still swirling around inside him, he let his dressed arms encircle around Michael's waist in a loose hold. And in that moment right there, in a group of all his friends that were now giving him every ounce of their love for him, Gavin could feel his heart slowly beginning to form again with the small pieces that were sitting in a pile in his chest.   
  
The amount of love in the room was almost suffocating as Michael leaned up to press meaningful kisses along Gavin's jaw and cheeks, huffing out soft sniffles and sobs against him. "P-Please don't leave us... w-we love you so much..!" Michael whispered out, his body quivering wildly against the other and finally connected their lips together in a firm kiss.   
  
Gavin's eyes widened a bit as his lips were fully touching Michael's without a $100 bet or a pocky stick being in the way. No, this was truly his very first kiss with Michael and he sorta felt wrong about kissing him especially with Lindsay in the room. But, when his eyes met Lindsay's searching for some kind of jealousy, he was instead melt with warm encouragement in those kind blue eyes of hers, as if even she was waiting on this perfect moment (well, besides the circumstances that led to this). So, with the feeling that this was indeed okay, Gavin slowly closed his eyes and let himself kiss his friend (or whatever polygamy thing they were going to be considering the fact that Michael was married), his cheeks blushing as he heard all the guys and Lindsay aww around them at the sentimental moment.   
  
Holding their lips in place, Michael slowly pulled back with his wide teary eyes full of unadulterated love for his friend. "What! No fair! I want a turn!" Ryan scoffed out behind Michael and quickly pushed the smaller freckled man away, scooting Gavin into his arms to press a more firm kiss as Michael whined in the background. Now it seemed like all the members wanted to show their own love to the poor Brit.   
  
Gavin gasped even more as the older Georgian man was now kissing him and...by God were his lips soft as hell. It was no wonder why Chad from ScrewAttack wanted to kiss Ryan a second time during Extra Life cause these lips of his were just...magical. And it wasn't to say that Michael wasn't a bad kisser at all by any means, it was just that Ryan seemed to want the kiss and who was Gavin to deny such a offer.   
  
Their lips mingled a bit until Ryan was pulled back by a very jealous Geoff who had to force his way through to become part of it all. "Holy shit, you guys are gross.." He huffed out, leaning forward to capture Gavin's lips in a very sweet and tender kiss, gently tilting the other's head up a tad. Jeremy hooting in the background and Ryan's jealous grumbling filled up the room.   
  
Geez, it seemed everyone wanted to express their love for Gavin specifically through their lips. Though Geoff was no longer with someone, the older man still had some mad kissing game and Gavin almost felt a little weird about practically kissing his father figure. And then as soon as Geoff was done with another peck to his forehead, Lindsay smiled and murmured "my turn" before she bent his head down a bit to kiss him and by the gods was her kiss just as gentle as she had been with him.   
  
With her arms wrapped tightly around his waist, she let their lips mingle together in a very tender and sweet kiss that was able to express all of her love for him. She pulled back, pressing one more smooch to the corner of Gavin's lips and gave him a gentle smile. Everyone was wanting some action with the lad, and it was difficult to force Ryan away from attacking Gavin's lips in another kiss. Everyone deserves a turn, after all.   
  
"C'mere" Gavin heard Jeremy say as he grabbed the back of his head and lowered it down a few inches before planting a kiss on his lips as well. Gavin just smiled into the laughed and rested his hand on the Bostonian's buff bicep and gave it a reassuring squeeze to let the youngest one in the office know that he was okay. And really he was going to be. And once Jeremy was done and it was Jack's turn to press his beard covered lips against his, Gavin him the same reassuring hold on his arm. Truly, the road to recovery was gonna take a while to cross and he knew his scars were gonna take a while to fully heal. But, this was a nice step in the right direction. At least now, he knew that there would be no more hurtful words thrown his way nor would there wouldn't being anymore of his "routine" (though he did know that he might come back to it). But, for now everything was alright with the world.


End file.
